Last week, I wrote a post on Facebook that garnered a LOT of interest, shares and discussion in the community. I talked about my struggles with setting boundaries when I started my coaching practice. I talked about how, after a while, the joy and freedom I’d hoped to experience with my work started to elude me. I’d find myself exhausted, incapable of bringing my best self to the work I loved and was devoted to.
Saying no to what deeply doesn’t matter means you say yes to what does. (Tweet it)
Not surprisingly, setting healthy boundaries is the number one challenge that comes up in client sessions too. Entrepreneurs, managers, mothers: every woman struggles with setting up boundaries in fear of pissing people off.
Truth is, we can only give when we have. Not having healthy boundaries is like maxing out your credit card when you have no money in the bank to pay it off.
So how do we gently yet firmly create boundaries in our lives and say YES to ourselves?
I’ve put together a collection of suggestions for you.
- Turn email notifications off on the phone
- Spend 10 minutes every morning with yourself, journal, meditate, dance
- Don’t make assumptions about people’s expectations of you: ask
- Sleep in without guilt
- Make weekends sacred: spend atleast one day without work related tasks or emails
- Tune into your feelings when asked to do things
- Set expectations about your time and availability before meetings and sessions
- Say no gently yet firmly (without apologies)
- Ask for help and support
- Make self-care a priority and set time aside for it regularly
- Speak your truth with power and authenticity
- Extend your lunch break by 10 minutes. Meditate or take a walk
- Don’t stop something to take (non-urgent) calls or respond to emails. They can wait.
- Create guidelines and communicate them everywhere: website, emails, social media
- Remember your why when doing tasks that aren’t inspiring
- Find an accountability partner (or hire a coach)
- Start small. Creating boundaries takes courage.
Which of these can you implement right away? What would you add to this list
You might also like:
Meet the Most Productive Woman on the Planet
Hi Pudja,
I really relate to your post, because I have been realizing I need to set healthy boundaries for myself. One I really liked on your list was, “Say no gently yet firmly (without apologies).” I liked the reminder that I need not apologize or explain. As a mother, entrepreneur and natural nurturer, I sometimes take on too much because I don’t want to let anyone down, but then I let me down. I think making the one thing I am doing right then and there deserves the boundary of Focus. Saying no to all the white noise, and fully present in whatever I am doing. Even if it is chillin’!
Jul, thanks for sharing your truth. I agree mothers have it harder than most others because their nurturing instincts supersede everything else. I’m so glad you’re giving yourself permission to say no with grace and ease. It will create space for abundance and inspire others around you. Much love to you
Puja, Fantastic list. Being an entrepreneur, #5 is the toughest one for me. I have to put this into practice and really focus on my husband and daughter during the weekends, thank you for the reminder.
Brendaaaaa I hear you!! 🙂 Being an entrepreneur makes it even harder to create boundaries because we’re our own bosses and it’s all on us. I’ve discovered it’s in downtime when really creative, powerful ideas come to us that can propel our business in the right direction. I hope you try it for a week 🙂 love xo
i engage in #2 (journaling and dancing) every single day, and it’s seriously a lifeline for me. (and i do fairly well in at least three other categories as well.) however, it looks as if i have several more ways to strengthen some boundaries – thank you for this valuable list of suggestions.